Compere Song

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Have you ever been in front of people

Praying you were half way up a steeple

Miles away where they can’t hear you,

Somewhere where they can’t get near you?

Without being revealing

I think I know the feeling


It’s folk night in the local bar

And people come from near and far

The singer starts to sing a song

He’s practised for so very long

In silence he starts playing

The audience starts swaying


But somebody has brought a dog in

And at the back there’s people snoggin’

And someone rustling silver paper

Trying to eat a chocolate

Has wavered folks attention

And started conversation


Building up into the chorus

There’s not a chance that he might bore us

Until some fella, big and heavy

Rises up to get more bevvy

And, guzzling down the final dregs,

He slips and bangs the table legs


A might crash and loud ovation

Greet this feat of navigation

Total doom and great disaster

For the singer, singing faster,

Louder now that no-one cares

He can’t compete with crashing chairs

The friend who came just sits and stares

Then leaves the back way by the stairs


Then someone heading for the bog

Accidentally kicks the dog

Pandemonium ensues

And no-one hears the singers blues

The voice of doom has spoken

The spell he cast is broken


And down the middle through the smoke

Someone’s cracked a funny joke

But the only one who hasn’t heard

The punchline is the one whose word,

If heard above the laughter,

Might linger on hereafter


And right in front of where he sits

Are two drunk girls comparing bits

“Yours are big and mine are small

But my boyfriend don’t mind at all”

Is nothing sacred even here?

A voice shouts, “Sing ‘Ave Maria’”


Intrepid as the day is long

The singer finishes his song

And leaves the stage to some applause

But more to loud sarcastic roars

I know it’s only life

But I’d like to take a knife .. to them


I sometimes wonder where he’ll go

And, if it’s me, I never know

Perhaps I go and write a song

Like this, come back, then carry on

More often I will wait to see

The people coming after me

They play a different way to me

They’re very good I’m sure you will agree


Words and Music  ©Garvin Crawford.


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