Compere Song
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Have you ever been in front of people
Praying you were half way up a steeple
Miles away where they can’t hear you,
Somewhere where they can’t get near you?
Without being revealing
I think I know the feeling
It’s folk night in the local bar
And people come from near and far
The singer starts to sing a song
He’s practised for so very long
In silence he starts playing
The audience starts swaying
But somebody has brought a dog in
And at the back there’s people snoggin’
And someone rustling silver paper
Trying to eat a chocolate
Has wavered folks attention
And started conversation
Building up into the chorus
There’s not a chance that he might bore us
Until some fella, big and heavy
Rises up to get more bevvy
And, guzzling down the final dregs,
He slips and bangs the table legs
A might crash and loud ovation
Greet this feat of navigation
Total doom and great disaster
For the singer, singing faster,
Louder now that no-one cares
He can’t compete with crashing chairs
The friend who came just sits and stares
Then leaves the back way by the stairs
Then someone heading for the bog
Accidentally kicks the dog
Pandemonium ensues
And no-one hears the singers blues
The voice of doom has spoken
The spell he cast is broken
And down the middle through the smoke
Someone’s cracked a funny joke
But the only one who hasn’t heard
The punchline is the one whose word,
If heard above the laughter,
Might linger on hereafter
And right in front of where he sits
Are two drunk girls comparing bits
“Yours are big and mine are small
But my boyfriend don’t mind at all”
Is nothing sacred even here?
A voice shouts, “Sing ‘Ave Maria’”
Intrepid as the day is long
The singer finishes his song
And leaves the stage to some applause
But more to loud sarcastic roars
I know it’s only life
But I’d like to take a knife .. to them
I sometimes wonder where he’ll go
And, if it’s me, I never know
Perhaps I go and write a song
Like this, come back, then carry on
More often I will wait to see
The people coming after me
They play a different way to me
They’re very good I’m sure you will agree
Words and Music ©Garvin Crawford.
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