Holy Jesus, Holy Mary

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Holy Jesus, Holy Mary

Here I am in County Derry

Just a Fresher under pressure

But this ticking thing beside me makes me wary


There’ve been bomb scares, two or three now

Brought me gasmask, use it somehow

At the ready, I’ll be steady

For me Mum has even bullet-proofed me vests now


But take me home, oh Jesus Mary

Take me home, it’s really scary

This small case is ticking at a pace

That’s getting faster every minute


Jesus Mary, there’s a fairy

I’m in heaven far too early

Holy terror, it’s a mirror

But me hair that once was straight has all gone curly


Just a minute, just a jiffy

I see something sort of pretty

It’s got tights on, it’s got lights on

And there’s something in the way she screams that’s gritty


Leave me here, dear Jesus Mary

Leave me here, I’m getting very

Ex cit ed, to think I might be dead

But here I am – I’ve got a plan


Like a king in his castle

I’ve been sitting near this parcel

My alarm clock’s packed and ticking

When she comes my way I’ve got her for the picking


As she passes I will shout

‘There’s a bomb in here – look out!’

Then like a hero I’ll remove it

And watch the fireworks inside explode to prove it


Skies are clearing,’twas just a shower

And there’s many a pretty flower

Pleasant day here, think I’ll stay here

And the bar is opening up in half an hour


Leave me here, though rain is lashing

Leave me here, there’s beer splashing

In my ear, it’s what I want to hear

It’s getting better every minute


Holy Jesus, Holy Mary

Here I am in County Derry

Just arrived here, still alive here

And to think of leaving now would be contrary



Words ©Garvin Crawford

Coleraine, October, 1971

To the tune of Ponchielli’s ‘Dance of the Hours’


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